All I Have

I'm getting tired of everyone telling me how great Blondie is and how we're two parts to one soul. And how I should be considered crazy for trying to sell her. I already know that she is part of me, but I'm not crazy for selling her. If I had a choice I'd keep her. But choices aren't in my favor. I spent all morning the other day filling out financial aid paperwork for the stack of medical bills that have been endlessly provoking me. I still have yet to land a job, and that isn't looking too hopeful either. The world isn't the same anymore. Things are harder. Decisions have to be made. I'll be in debt because of those med bills until I'm old and wrinkly. Not to mention I have college loans to pay off from Findlay. I don't have the money to pay my car insurance and I have nothing else...I just have Blondie. That's it. And I have no choice but to give her up and make sure she has a home where she won't be mistreated ever again. I find it..UNBELIEVABLY sad that I seem to be the only one who knows how to take care of her. She deserves to live a long and fat life. But I won't be able to give it to her. Especially not while I'm trying to get back on my feet as well. I'm doing my best to give her what she needs. This month alone she needs shots & vaccines, her teeth floated, more dewormer, and possibly the farrier. It just keeps getting harder. God must really stretch his ways in order to test us this much (not that I'm complaining). If everything turns out "okay in the end" it doesn't really matter. Nothing really matters to me anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to "sink or float." Well no matter how far, hard, or long you swim to stay afloat, eventually you will sink. It's more like a crappy riddle than any kind of advice. I'd rather just stick to my own terms.